


Pain

by Semi_problematic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 17:05:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12752529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: Dean Winchester had had his heart broken a million times but this time hurt the most.





	Pain

Dean Winchester had had his heart broken millions of times. From girls he got too close to, to his father dying. He had his mother be horrible to borh Sam and him when she had been dead for years. He had lost Cas a number of times, each time more painful than the last. He had lost Bobby, Charlie, Ellen, Jo and so many other hunters that made up his broken yet loving family. He had lost Sam through death and through life, when he watched his wide eyed brother walk out of the house and when he father said the cursed words "if you leave, don't come back." Dean himself had died and felt any and every pain the world could imagine. 

Dean Winchester had lost everything millions of times. He had lost his mom, his dad, and his brother. He had lost Cas. He had lost his friends. He had killed his friends. He had lost Lisa and Ben along with any feeling of happiness and a normal life. He had been beaten and killed. He had been to hell and back. He had been to heaven and back. He had been torn apart inside and out by more monsters than he could name. 

Dean Winchester knew pain better than any person. He knew what it felt like to lose the only man he loved. He knew what it felt like to have his mother abandon him. He knew what it felt like for his father to rarely be proud. He knew what it felt like to have the earth on his shoulders. He knew what it felt like to be the hero and to be the villain. 

Dean Winchester knew what it felt like to fall in love. To love something he could never have and if he did have it, they would both be at risk. He knew what it felt like to fight with him and to lose him. He knew what it felt like to watch him go evil and hurt thousands of people when all he wanted to do was the right thing. He knew what it was like to be in love with an angel who tried. 

Dean Winchester knew what it felt like to save the day. He knew how it felt to be the hero and how it felt to walk away from another good day of work. He knew what it was like to come out on top and be high off victory. He knew what it felt like to keep people safe and to bring families together and to save people he loved or someone else loved. He knew what it was like to kill the bad thing and be the best. He knew what it felt like to be good. To be right. 

Dean Winchester knew what it felt like to be the bad guy. He knew how it felt to pull the trigger on the wrong person. He knew how it felt to feel jaws crack against his warn down knuckles. He knew what it felt like to be the problem. He knew how it felt tearing everything apart, the world, his friends, his family, his everything. He knew how it felt to make people cry and disappoint them. He knew how it felt to be careless and reckless. 

Dean Winchester knew what it was like to want bad things. To want to kill or to want to kiss a boy he could never have. He knew how much those bad things hurt. He knew what it was like to be a horrid example and do everything bad he can and then some. He knew what it felt like to ruin his own life but he also knew what it was like to indulge in the wrong things.

Dean Winchester knew how painful love was, especially with an angel. He knew how they could be ticking time bombs. He knew how they loved harder than anything and were more loyal than anyone he had ever met. He also knew that they were tougher than most and didn't listen to words, only their own mistakes. 

Dean Winchester knew what pain was. He knew ache. He knew stab wounds and heartbreak. He knew tears and he knew anger. He knew fear and he knew loneliness. But what Dean didn't know is that his heart could break once more. He didn't know he could feel any more pain. 

Dean Winchester didn't know that his heart would shatter yet again, pieces scattering across the cold bunker floors, when he saw his little brother in a now empty room, clutching dirty shirts with white knuckles.

Sam was on his knees, tears slipping down his cheeks. His elbows were planted on the mattress with impossibly neat sheets, all tucked in, the only wrinkles were around Sams body.

"Jack," Deans brother whispered. "I know you're only half angel so I don't know if you can hear this.. but.. you won't hurt us. I know you won't.. we love you.." Sam tilted his head up and took a deep breath. "I love you.. and I miss you.. please.. just.. please come home.. I miss having you around.. and I feel alone.." Sam dropped Jack's shirt down on the mattress and folded his hands. "You aren't a monster.. you've never been.. just.. come home. We all miss you.."

Dean Winchester knew what guilt felt like. He knew how it felt to be wrong. He knew how it felt to mess up even though he was trying harder than ever. He knew how it felt to be happy but everyone around him was depressed. He knew how sick it made him feel and how he felt as if he never deserved to feel happy again, because everyone around him was so hirt and alone.

Deans heart ached as he stepped into Castiels room, wrapping his arms around him and soaking up the warmth. He pulled away and cupped his cheeks, kissing him gently. The kiss was filled with heartbreak, regret, guilt, and most importantly, pain.

"Did you hear him?" It hurt to speak. To acknowledge what was happening and how it felt. 

Cas nodded, slowly. His face was blank and his heart, too, was broken. Just like Sams. Just like Deans. It killed Dean that the two people he loved the most hurt so bad and he couldn't do anything. "Yeah.." He ran his fingers through his hair. "But I would be lying if I said I hadn't tried it.." 

Dean Winchester had had his heart broken a million times but this time hurt the most.


End file.
